"WORTHY"

By Michael Halleen

"Bring the best robe and put it on him,…" (Luke 15:22)

Pete was one of my best friends in high school. He was an only child, the kind of kid on whom some parents dote. Mr. and Mrs. T. would do anything for Pete. When he went off to Harvard, his parents, despite being cramped in a condo, maintained his room just as it was, pennants and posters in place. It was Pete's room…always.

Pete had a dog, an old black lab named Frankie, who had been his pet from the time he was a young boy. I used to visit Mrs. T. occasionally when I was in the neighborhood to pick up the latest news about Pete. At each of my visits, lying on his rug in the corner of the living room, there was Frankie—ugly, old, half-blind, unable to do more than totter around because of arthritis. He was neither useful nor ornamental. Once I made an uncomplimentary remark about the dog, and Mrs. T. said, "Mike, Frankie's no burden to us. We'll love him till he dies because he's Pete's dog." This totally dependent, odd-looking creature had meaning, dignity and worth in their eyes just because he belonged to the son they adored.

The father of the prodigal told his servants to put the best robe on the boy when he returned home — and a ring and some good sandals too. Having done everything wrong and on a fast track to nowhere, the son finally had decided that throwing himself on the pity of his father was his only hope of survival. Instead of pity he found love. His father saw past the mistakes and recognized one whom he adored—worthy of care and of the best gifts he could offer.

A seminary classmate, a Coast Guard veteran, had a hard time with his studies in his first year out of the service. He kept a dress uniform in his closet, and sometimes in the midst of a rough afternoon in the library, he said he was going home to polish his medals. I know that at least once he put them on again. It was his way to reestablish a sense of worth.

An old dog, a runaway boy, a struggling student — bring out the best for them! Each was worthy. We can be encouraged to know that, like them, we — whether old and past our prime, or detoured on a path sideways to our best interests, or just feeling inadequate to the expectations laid on us — are worthy too.

-courtesy of Mikey's Funnies

OT...

Current Princeton Temp: 36
Currently Wishing: That the OT Midterm would be DONE!

When I get overwhelmed, or stressed, or frustrated I tend to just stop. I stop working, thinking, writing, reading, doing until I can find some kind of outlet. This outlet usually involves tears. I have an Old Testament midterm on Tuesday morning at 8:00. In case you've never picked up the Old Testament, there's a lot there to be learned. Welcome to my life.

I sat in the choir concert last night, listening to the Seminary Singers sing "Sicut Cervus." As I listened and sang along in my head (since I know the song by heart from having learned it this summer to sing in Italy with the Santa Barbara Choral Society) I also fought back intense anger and frustration (and more tears). Why? Well, here's the thing: I got into Seminary Singers this year, back when we all auditioned for choir. Martin Tel, the choir director, doesn't cut people from Chapel Choir, but he has always had a group that comes out of it, called Seminary Singers which is done by audition. This year, there were too many people so he simply created Seminary Singers into a completely different, separate, by-audition choir of a mere 20 people...and to my complete and utter surprise, I got into it. I was ecstatic. But, due to previous commitments I had made for this past weekend (which was also the weekend of our fall concert), I chose to give it up and sing in Chapel Choir for the fall semester or until someone (an alto, that is) decided to leave Seminary Singers at which point Martin had agreed to place me at the top of the list so I'd be the first one to go back in.

Based on the fact that I was in the concert, you could deduce that my plans for this weekend fell through. I was terribly upset, for more than one reason. Not only was I missing the chance to be in Santa Barbara sooner rather than later, be at a friend's wedding, and see my mom and friends close to my birthday, I also was giving up this chance to sing "Sicut Cervus" again and as part of a small, wonderful group. And it brought back this flood of emotion and memories from this summer, of good times spent with wonderful friends, traveling to far-away places, singing in the most gorgeous of spaces, and of course, eating gelato.

All good memories aside, I made it through the concert, including my solo in one of the most beautiful songs I've ever sung, and made it to get ice cream afterward. I have to admit though, I'm glad this weekend is over. And I'll be even more so when Tuesday morning is over. (Prayers would be appreciated to that end.)





"Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it." -Albert Smith

Happy Birthday to me...

Current Princeton temp: 49
Currently Reading: birthday cards and Facebook wall messages
(Graffiti courtesy of Megan Phillips...thank you!)

My birthday is usually a very happy, fun, and "normal" occasion. This year, it's a little more..."un-normal". Please don't misunderstand my difficult feelings about my birthday as grumbling towards any of you who have sent or may send birthday wishes my way; those are in fact the things I am most happy about today! Rather, my birthday this year is difficult because I am away from (most) of those whom I love dearly and miss terribly and in being so, and reminded of how deeply and wonderfully our friendships and relationships with family have gone in my 24 years. I'm used to having a big dinner with my really close friends, I'm used to seeing my mom on my birthday and to her insisting on getting a Costco-sized cake no matter how many or few people are coming to celebrate, and I'm used to being in a familiar place on my birthday.

Yet, even though I may seem sad that it's my birthday this year, or may be struggling with how that feels and the difficulty of being separated from my loved ones, please know that I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and especially your birthday wishes. I know that each day is a gift from God, even the difficult ones, and that my birthday is one the cherish. Today I am fundamentally sound, and that is just enough.

Love,
Megan

My solo in chapel...

"Like A Child"

Like a child that is quieted is my soul,
Like a child that is quieted is my soul.

Out of the depths I cry to thee,
Lord you hear my plea,
And like a child that is quieted is my soul.

Like a child I am O so restless.
Like a child I cannot be still
and know that you are ruler of us all,
And you are there when I call,
Just like a child that is quieted is my soul.

And in your presence I can see
Christ in people around me,
And like a child that is quieted is my soul.

Like a child I long to trust you completely.
Like a child I cannot be still
and know that you are ruler of us all,
And you are there when I call,
Just like a child that is quieted is my soul.

-Words and music by Loretta Ellenberger

...Whelmed...

Current Princeton Temp: 54

I am overwhelmed. There is much to do, and little time to do it. Between reading and writing, making new connections and redeveloping old ones, and readjusting to "community life" there has been little time for what I like to call "decompression". I need it to function. It usually involves what I affectionately call "verbal vomit," wherein I find someone who will listen and proceed to dump everything out in one long, incoherent string of babble. Were I to sit down and write it all out, it might be akin to stream-of-consciousness writing. Tonight I hit a breaking point and had a good conversation with Daniel about it. I feel a little better, but I am still overwhelmed. But I suppose that will be something that has to change little by little.

In the midst of all the reading, burying my nose in books, and previously warm weather of last week, fall unexpectedly arrived today. It was as though the weather realized it was October 1, and in so doing, decided to change from warm (downright hot on Saturday during apple-picking) to brisk and cool this afternoon. I actually had to wear a jacket to walk downtown! I chose my red Italian leather one. Anyway, I am excited about fall. The leaves around here are just barely starting to turn shades of purple and red and yellow...but I know the most vibrant colors are yet to come. Oh, how I cannot wait!

One last tidbit of information before I sign off for the night...on Wednesday morning, I will have the incredible opportunity to sing a solo (!) with the Chapel Choir in chapel. It's wonderful, and amazing...a beautiful musical line and profound lyrics, which I will post later. I am nervous. I want to memorize it so I can get completely into it, but am terrified to be without the safety of my music folder. Prayers for confidence in God and the extra time I need to memorize it would be appreciated.

I miss Santa Barbara, and my friends, and family I feel I have there. I don't think I've said that enough to those of you who I am desperately missing these days. Know that even in the midst of busyness, you are in my heart.

"Freedom of Expression"

My feet wait there listening, and when
they dislike what happens they begin
to press on the floor. They know when
it is time to walk out on a program. Pretty soon
they are moving, and as the program fades
you can hear the sound of my feet on gravel.

If you have feet with standards, you too
may be reminded - you need not
accept what's given. You gamblers,
pimps, braggarts, oppressive people: -
"Not here," my feet are saying, "no thanks;
let me out of this."And I'm gone.

-William Stafford
The Way It Is: New and Selected Poems

I have arrived...

Greetings from New Jersey!

First things first: you're getting this e-mail because you either told me you wanted to receive my updates from graduate school, or because I thought you might want to receive my updates from graduate school. If either of these are not true, let me know and I'll take you off the list, no hard feelings. Alternatively, if you know someone I know and you think they might appreciate getting them, please feel free to forward it.

Sorry to slow you down...

After a semi-grueling 3,007 mile drive by myself across the country, I have arrived at Princeton Theological Seminary! I am very torn between excitement, fear, nervousness, and eagerness. We had the first two scheduled orientation events this evening....a worship service, which was perfect because God used it to speak so powerfully to me as I sat in the chapel for the first time as a student, and a picnic with the faculty and administration, which was yummy. I saw the other Westmont grad who is an entering student this year, had dinner with her and a couple of her friends, and then proceeded to unload my very, very, very full car into my very, very, very large room. I was fortunate enough to get into my first choice dorm, which is also the most popular and have now moved all my stuff in. It's still in a pile in the middle of the floor, but it's in. =)

My new blog can be found at MastersOfEspresso.blogspot.com. I'll hopefully be updating it frequently with the musings of what it means to be in grad school....and other stuff too!

Sorry this is short, but I am exhausted. I'll write more later...promise. In the meantime, I would appreciate prayers for adjusting to a new place, a new culture, and a new climate all away from everything that's familiar to me, as well as new friends and floormates that I want to build relationships with.

Thanks, and love you all!
Megan