A Halloween Haiku

Trick-or-treaters come
Cute costumes and pillow sacks
As fall settles in

I <3 Woot!

WOOT, INC. INTERNAL EMAIL
STAFF EYES ONLY

Attention Woot employees -

We are now entering the final phase of preparations for the Woot-Off planned for midnight tonight. This is when we depart from our usual deal-a-day model and sell one product after another, offering a new deal as soon as the previous one sells out. For some reason, Woot members like Meganace continue to have high expectations for this event. We must make every effort to ensure that they feel disappointed and betrayed.

All workers should be physically and mentally straining to make this Woot-Off a success, like every muscle in a wolf's body strains to capture and devour its prey. We expect total compliance with the following objectives:

• Make sure the stables are thoroughly cleaned and the horses properly groomed and shod. As you know, Commander Rutledge prefers to lead us on horseback during Woot-Offs. Charge!
• Customer Service department: all vacation requests for this week and next are approved. If you have not filed a vacation request, take one anyway.
• The little green pills in the kitchen are there to keep you alert and working. Take as many as you need. Officially, Woot does not believe in the concept of "overdose".
• Take at least one of our servers offline, just for laughs.
• Go to the landfill and dig up some more Sansa media players. If you see any Digipro Graphics Tablets (and you will), grab those, too.
• Place crap bags in company latrines so those orders can be "filled". To this end, the company will provide free lunch today from El Feo, the filthiest burrito joint in Dallas. Do your worst, guys.
• Neutralize all negative thinking among our members. We simply cannot tolerate any more posts like "do not want" or "Woot-Off killer". If electronic means like word filters and IP bans do not work, we must reactivate the rapid-response teams to physically eliminate all threats to our reputation.
• Last time, spot checks revealed that approximately 25% of products shipped are broken, incomplete, or excessively dirty. This is unacceptable. For this Woot-Off, defective shipments must make up at least 40%.
• Remind SmartPost that there's no need to hurry on these orders. Prompt delivery makes our customers spoiled and argumentative. Let them learn humility and gratitude while they wait.

Above all, we must strive to make this Woot-Off even more tedious, disappointing, and lucrative than the last one. The employee who achieves the most toward this end will be rewarded with one brown Zune. Second place: two brown Zunes.

Forward into battle! Remember: to give one's life for Woot is glorious!

Larry Stalin
eCommerce eKommissar
Woot, Inc.

THIS EMAIL WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 90 SECONDS

You Are What You Read

I sat in the terminal in Newark International Airport, waiting for my delayed flight. Just in case there was going to be another delay I had already gotten myself a nice dinner and a glass of wine; I wanted to be prepared. I was feeling rather calm. The delay was giving me an opportunity to get most of my theology reading done before we even boarded the plane. And with the yummy dinner I had enjoyed it didn't seem there was much that could have perturbed me. I was at peace, in the midst of a bustling airport, surrounded by lots of cell-phone talkers, coffee-drinkers, and cuddling couples.

Across from me was a middle-aged woman with anything-but-natural, overprocessed blond hair. She was reading what I would consider a crappy murder/mystery novel. The kind that is not written well and is full of vapidity. There's no real mystery to the murder, the protagonist is a nothing more than an attractive man and the detective might as well be investigating the next fashion trend for all the attention he gives. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh though.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm as much of a fan of fun reading with little substance (beach reading) as the next person. But it isn't my whole life. What made me most sad was not that she was reading this book, but rather the empty look in her eyes when she would rest the book on her lap and look around the terminal and the flat sound of her voice when she answered the phone. I actually felt sorry for her.

I hope she reads more than just that book.

Let Me Count the Ways...

Daniel: "How am I wacky??"
Megan: "Let me count the ways..."

1. He gets overly silly about...well, me.
2. He thinks white white white tennis shoes are OK with very dark wash jeans. (They're not, just in case you were wondering.)
   
3. "Three is the magic number! Ah, ah, ah!"
4. Megan: "One and two and ti and four and..." Daniel: What kind? Early Grey or English Breakfast?"
5. Hungarian food (or really any ethnic food) makes him go crazy with hunger.
6. The Cranberry Festival sparked an intense desire for all things cranberry themed.
7. Being an Eagle Scout is an excuse for anything.
8. His idea of "fun" reading is history stuff.
9. His idea of "fun" in Washington DC is all the historical stuff. (Is anyone else noticing a trend here?)
10. He can magically break IKEA wine glasses.

Trust me, there is more. But I'll stop for now...
I love you, D!

Update #8 from Princeton Theological Seminary: "What a blessing!"

Dear family and friends,

Well, the time has come for a new school year, and with it, some wonderful additions to my update list. Before I get going here, as I've said before please feel free to let me know if you'd no longer like to receive my updates and I'll take you off...no love lost. =)

Now, to go further up and further in: there is too much to talk about already! Let's start with the end of the summer. I finished up at First Pres, Visalia at the end of August only after preaching my very first sermon ever! My text was the wedding at Cana...and amazingly enough I felt like it went very well and received a lot of great feedback. What a blessing! Leaving the kids was very difficult as I had become rather attached to them over the summer. We finished the summer off with a girl's spa night and several great weeks of youth group. Again, what a blessing they are.

Along those lines, as I spent some time reflecting on my time at home I found that while I had been apprehensive about returning to Visalia for the summer, and really had no intentions to do that, God knew what he was doing. It was great to spend some time at home with my mom. It was wonderful to reconnect to First Pres and the families there that I used to know better and to get to know some of the newer families and people in the church. It was indeed another example of God's great faithfulness!

After I finished up my job I loaded up my car, drove to Bakersfield and picked up two of my best friends from college to begin our 3,000-mile cross-country road trip! In just seven short days we arrived in Princeton, but not before seeing a friend of ours from college in Colorado, stopping at a glass marble factory and shop in the middle of Kansas, going up 637 feet in the St. Louis Arch, experiencing the Pennsylvania Turnpike, and getting cheesesteaks in Philly! We got my stuff unloaded and prepared for a very busy few days before Jules and Brian left: New York City, Princeton, and church and antiquing!

Now that we're on to present day, school has officially been in session for three weeks! I love my classes this semester, it has been good to reconnect with friends, and enjoy some of my favorite east coast places. And to answer the question I'm sure you're all asking, no, the fall colors are not here...not quite yet.

Well, I believe I'll wrap up for now....this has gone on long enough. I'll write again soon more about my classes and such. I hope you are all well. Please find my address below...I love to get little notes and stuff! ;-)

Many "what a blessing!" moments I wish for you today,
Megan