OT...

Current Princeton Temp: 36
Currently Wishing: That the OT Midterm would be DONE!

When I get overwhelmed, or stressed, or frustrated I tend to just stop. I stop working, thinking, writing, reading, doing until I can find some kind of outlet. This outlet usually involves tears. I have an Old Testament midterm on Tuesday morning at 8:00. In case you've never picked up the Old Testament, there's a lot there to be learned. Welcome to my life.

I sat in the choir concert last night, listening to the Seminary Singers sing "Sicut Cervus." As I listened and sang along in my head (since I know the song by heart from having learned it this summer to sing in Italy with the Santa Barbara Choral Society) I also fought back intense anger and frustration (and more tears). Why? Well, here's the thing: I got into Seminary Singers this year, back when we all auditioned for choir. Martin Tel, the choir director, doesn't cut people from Chapel Choir, but he has always had a group that comes out of it, called Seminary Singers which is done by audition. This year, there were too many people so he simply created Seminary Singers into a completely different, separate, by-audition choir of a mere 20 people...and to my complete and utter surprise, I got into it. I was ecstatic. But, due to previous commitments I had made for this past weekend (which was also the weekend of our fall concert), I chose to give it up and sing in Chapel Choir for the fall semester or until someone (an alto, that is) decided to leave Seminary Singers at which point Martin had agreed to place me at the top of the list so I'd be the first one to go back in.

Based on the fact that I was in the concert, you could deduce that my plans for this weekend fell through. I was terribly upset, for more than one reason. Not only was I missing the chance to be in Santa Barbara sooner rather than later, be at a friend's wedding, and see my mom and friends close to my birthday, I also was giving up this chance to sing "Sicut Cervus" again and as part of a small, wonderful group. And it brought back this flood of emotion and memories from this summer, of good times spent with wonderful friends, traveling to far-away places, singing in the most gorgeous of spaces, and of course, eating gelato.

All good memories aside, I made it through the concert, including my solo in one of the most beautiful songs I've ever sung, and made it to get ice cream afterward. I have to admit though, I'm glad this weekend is over. And I'll be even more so when Tuesday morning is over. (Prayers would be appreciated to that end.)





"Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it." -Albert Smith

My solo in chapel...

"Like A Child"

Like a child that is quieted is my soul,
Like a child that is quieted is my soul.

Out of the depths I cry to thee,
Lord you hear my plea,
And like a child that is quieted is my soul.

Like a child I am O so restless.
Like a child I cannot be still
and know that you are ruler of us all,
And you are there when I call,
Just like a child that is quieted is my soul.

And in your presence I can see
Christ in people around me,
And like a child that is quieted is my soul.

Like a child I long to trust you completely.
Like a child I cannot be still
and know that you are ruler of us all,
And you are there when I call,
Just like a child that is quieted is my soul.

-Words and music by Loretta Ellenberger

...Whelmed...

Current Princeton Temp: 54

I am overwhelmed. There is much to do, and little time to do it. Between reading and writing, making new connections and redeveloping old ones, and readjusting to "community life" there has been little time for what I like to call "decompression". I need it to function. It usually involves what I affectionately call "verbal vomit," wherein I find someone who will listen and proceed to dump everything out in one long, incoherent string of babble. Were I to sit down and write it all out, it might be akin to stream-of-consciousness writing. Tonight I hit a breaking point and had a good conversation with Daniel about it. I feel a little better, but I am still overwhelmed. But I suppose that will be something that has to change little by little.

In the midst of all the reading, burying my nose in books, and previously warm weather of last week, fall unexpectedly arrived today. It was as though the weather realized it was October 1, and in so doing, decided to change from warm (downright hot on Saturday during apple-picking) to brisk and cool this afternoon. I actually had to wear a jacket to walk downtown! I chose my red Italian leather one. Anyway, I am excited about fall. The leaves around here are just barely starting to turn shades of purple and red and yellow...but I know the most vibrant colors are yet to come. Oh, how I cannot wait!

One last tidbit of information before I sign off for the night...on Wednesday morning, I will have the incredible opportunity to sing a solo (!) with the Chapel Choir in chapel. It's wonderful, and amazing...a beautiful musical line and profound lyrics, which I will post later. I am nervous. I want to memorize it so I can get completely into it, but am terrified to be without the safety of my music folder. Prayers for confidence in God and the extra time I need to memorize it would be appreciated.

I miss Santa Barbara, and my friends, and family I feel I have there. I don't think I've said that enough to those of you who I am desperately missing these days. Know that even in the midst of busyness, you are in my heart.